For about a month my husband and I haven’t had sex. I avoided it because it always felt one-sided, coerced, or I just felt gross in the end. One reason being is he doesn’t keep up with his personal hygiene enough. To me showering every day is what that is. And regularly brushing teeth. I’ve felt guilty because of it all, even while knowing I don’t want sex with him. Early this morning he repeatedly woke me up saying “let me give you an orgasm” or just waking me up saying my name.

This went on for an hour. Before he left for work he further pressed me. He pulls down his pants and just keeps asking with his dick inches from my face. At this point I finally give in and it lasts a minute. Of course I got no pleasure from it. I just go shower immediately afterward.

I didn’t feel anything when it happened. Just completely numb, and that didn’t stop him. I’m just here to vent because there isn’t much I can do at this moment. My mind is always in a battle between “I deserve enjoyable sex and to not feel this way” and “you’re an awful wife and you just need to get over this feeling”.

I’m doing everything I can to work on myself, but it hasn’t gotten any easier. I’ve told him how I’ve felt. And why I’m shut down, but it seems all he’s been doing is biding his time until he thinks it’s been long enough. Any real conversation with depth has been dodged by him.