Just some backstory. so basically im 17, there’s a guy i’m talking to, he’s a really sweet and respectful guy. everyone in my family who has met him likes him. they all say hes very respectful and raised well. i’ve known him for like more than 2 years and we’ve been talking for a couple of months. we are kind of sexually active but both virgins (i hate that word), i feel like the way movies, media, and people in general portray losing ur v card is very scary, ive seen stuff about feeling shame and guilt after, the guy im with now i never feel bad about anything we do at all, so that makes me feel a sense of safety with him, like maybe im ready?

but we have tried to have sex a couple of times but everytime were about to i wimp out last minute, i think its because im scared of losing it to the wrong person, especially because ive heard girls get so attached to the first guy they lose it too, which is why ive never done it with anyone else. and i really dont think its because of him, everytime ive stopped it hes never gotten upset or anything and has always reassured me we can wait as long as we want and theres no rush, even when i would apologize since im always the one who initiates any sexual stuff we do, hes told me i dont need to apologize and we both should do it when we feel ready. i feel like us having sex is not out of lust and genuinely out of our strong feelings for eachother, were both really comfortable with eachother and ive never felt this way about other guys before. if i were to to lose it to anyone i would want it to be with him.

hes the first guy my family has met and im getting older, so theres been a couple women in my family come to me and talk to me abt losing my v, they kind of just prepare me for whats to happen and give me advice on what to do after. but what they tell me makes me really nervous about the whole thing because they say things like “once they take it u cant get it back” and the way they describe how u feel after terrifies me. everytime im about to have sex with him all i think about is how im scared of how im going to feel after, and i just think about all the stuff my family tells me. my grandmas a weird religious women and shes weirdly obsessed with my “purity” so i feel like if i lose it, im going to be a disgrace to my family.

i know im still young and i know losing ur virginity at a young age can take a mental toll on teens. i told myself i wouldnt do it till i was in a relationship with him (i didnt tell him that) but today we talked and he told me hes ready to be in a relationship with me soon. and I feel ready to do it, i guess im just scared of how im going to feel after. does every girl experience that? is there any way i can prevent it? and what should i do if i decide to do it? get birth control? how long should i take the birth control for? idk how any of this stuff works and theres no one else i really trust in my life enough to go to about it. Im a HUGE overthinker as u can see lol. so this whole thing is stressing me out and i dont really know how to go about it. pls help