I found out I was pregnant on July 3rd. My so and I weren’t trying. I was on birth control but just so happened to miss a few pills a couple of weeks before. I didn’t know how to feel at the time and neither did my so. We have 3 healthy beautiful girls already and he just didn’t feel like it was the right time for us to try and get pregnant. We haven’t really seen eye to eye on that as I’ve been ready to try which is why I didn’t know how to feel when I saw those positive tests. I was scared he’d be upset or disappointed. The next day on the 4th we went to the er due to me cramping. I had an ultrasound and was told I was either too early or having a miscarriage because they couldn’t see a baby and my levels were only at 18. I was told to go home and follow up with my ob in a few days to retest my blood. A few days later on the 7th I went back to the hospital for the same cramping issue. I had lab work done again and my levels were only at 40. Once again I was told to go home and follow up with my dr. On the 11th I went to see an ob at an office that was able to get me in last minute..this ob was not one I had originally picked. The one I had originally picked had delivered my last baby but he couldn’t see me as he was waiting for my hospital records from my two previous visits but I was anxious and wanted answers she couldn’t give me like how far along I was, why I was cramping so bad, why my blood pressure was high..she gave me a full exam and I had more blood work done. She rushed my labs because the weekend was coming and didn’t want me waiting till Monday to find out my levels. The next day I was back in another er for yet again very painful cramping. While waiting to be seen I had a phone call from the ob I had just seen and was told my levels were at 107 from the day before and my progesterone was low and that I’d have to take supplements. An hour later at the er I was told my levels went up to 157. I was sent home and told to follow up. My cramping had finally stopped and me and ob thought it was because I was taking the supplements. On Tuesday the 16th I got a call from my first choice ob and was asked to go in to do blood work. He wanted me to come in weekly for blood until my levels reached 1500 and was able to get an ultrasound..my levels were only at 225. I was told to go in again on Thursday the 18th and my levels dropped to 87 and was told I’d more than likely miscarry and to expect heavy bleeding in the next couple of days. I told my so but I don’t think he really knew how to take it. He asked if I was okay and I just fell into his arms and sobbed. I mean damn near screaming and crying and he just held me. I cried for about an hour and then wiped my tears and made dinner for my family as if nothing happened. I didn’t want our girls to worry so I put on a fake smile and went on about my business because life doesn’t stop and I have other kids to care for. I had so much trouble sleeping that night and I was back in the er for my cramping that had started again in the early morning. That dr ordered an ultrasound but they didn’t see a baby in my uterus and suspected an ectopic pregnancy when they saw a “cyst” in my fallopian tube, had an mri done for suspected appendicitis but that came back clean and they were able to get a better look at the cyst which turned out to be just that, my levels dropped down to 42 and was told I’m for sure miscarrying. I had cried so much the night before that I didn’t really bat an eye when he told me that. He was confirming what I already knew and I had already I guess mentally prepared myself for it. I walked out of the er, picked up my kids and was updating my so about everything. I was good, I felt okay and then my so came home and I tried to distract myself by putting away clothes but I couldn’t and just laid down and cried. I asked so what would happen next. If he would want me to get back on birth control? He said no, he doesn’t like what it does to me or my body. I asked if we would finally “try” for another baby and he said no. He apologized for sounding so mean but was sure that no he wasn’t ready to try for another baby as we did not try for this one. I felt confused and angry because he’s known for so long how much I have wanted another baby. I cried a little longer over that and then stopped but I stayed in bed for the rest of the night. He was trying to lighten the mood, check on me, make sure I was good and had everything I wanted or needed. He could tell I was still really upset but right before we went to bed we laughed together, a lot. It was like nothing happened and then I woke up about an hour ago while he was getting ready for work and sobbed so bad. He held me and I ugly cried. I told him I’m so angry and he held me tighter and then he had to leave. And here I am typing this up asking myself why?