Hi, I’m really desperate for some help. My husband and I had a perfect and wonderful relationship when we were dating. We very rarely argued, and we always resolved any arguments super quickly and got back to feeling completely understood and loved.

Since about a month before we got engaged, a lot has happened and I feel frustrated and confused and just not very passionate anymore. (We’ve been married 2 months and this all started about 7-8 months ago.)

I think the frustration began because we spent a month in another country (visiting his family) and I knew he was proposing but didn’t know when, so I was stressed about being an unfamiliar place for an extended time and continuously got my hopes up then let down when I thought he was about to do it but he didn’t. And none of that is anyone’s fault I think. It was just a lot of emotions all at once.

Then a few days after we got engaged, my step dad passed (I hope I’m not trauma dumping, I just want to fully explain my feelings) while we were still out of the country and had a super hard time getting back home to be with my mom in that horrible time. And of course, things have been very hard as I’ve been trying to adjust to life without him, trying to be there for my mom, my now husband and I both graduating college and having to move to another state soon.

Throughout our engagement and the couple of months we’ve been married, I have just felt so out of control as an individual but also in our relationship. We keep arguing and it’s been taking a huge toll on me. It’s making me not feel very passionate towards him anymore. I love him, but the passion and the perfect go-with-the-flow never disagreeing relationship just hasn’t felt that GOOD since all of this happened.

I wish we could go to therapy, and I hope we will one day, but it’s out of the question right now as we can’t afford it yet.

Can anyone give me some tips on calming myself, rekindling passion, not getting so frustrated, forgiving easily, etc.? Please tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way. I know marriage isn’t easy 100% of the time, but we’re newlyweds and it doesn’t feel like we should be having a rough patch so soon - and I fully do think it’s on me. He tries his best, but I’m just really struggling.