My husband and I are having a lot of problems. We have been for years. At this point, we’re hanging on by a thread. We argue constantly and when he’s mad, he knows how to hurt me. He says the cruelest things to me that make me feel so disconnected from him. Even on our “good” or “fine” days, I can’t help but constantly replay the things he’s told me. We have two young children together which is why I struggle to leave. But at the same time, I know things will never change. I’m tired of being belittled and controlled. I feel so torn.

For context, he doesn’t like me wearing bikinis, he thinks I dress for attention (which if you saw me you’d know that’s not true, at the start of our relationship, I wasn’t even allowed to wear tank tops or shorts), he doesn’t like for me to do things without him such as hangout with family, he says he doesn’t like who I am when I’m with my family (which honestly I’m just way more outgoing and happy & I feel like he hates to see me enjoy things), he calls me a whore constantly because I’ve had prior relationships before him (when I was a TEENAGER) I’ve never broken his trust and have never given him a reason not to trust me yet he acts like he can’t trust me. He’s broken my trust, he’s never physically cheated but trust has been broken.

I’m struggling so badly with feeling happy here. It’s not healthy for me, him, and especially our children. He refuses to try counseling.

At the same time, I feel immensely guilty for even thinking about leaving. I love him, I care about him, he’s the father of my children, but I don’t like who he is…

Edit to add: I also cannot confide in him ever, because he uses everything I say as a weapon against me. My mom is not a mom to me and he knows everything I’ve gone through and tells me that I’m gonna be just like her and that it’s very evident that I never had a mother in my life and that my father didn’t do a great job, etc. he talks down on my family often. I can never vent to him anymore. I can never let my emotions out to him anymore.

I’m a stay at home mom and I’m going to school. I know I’m a great mom. I give them my all so to tell me that I’m basically not gonna amount to anything really hurts. It also hurts that I can’t express my feelings of being hurt that my mom isn’t involved. Otherwise, he’ll find ways to weaponize what I tell him.