I lost both my boys in cps custody and Ive never felt more ashamed. I started doing drugs again and I wasn't in a good place. They took my boys. My boys are 8 and 14. I had a choice on whether they went with friends/family or if I had no one they would go into foster care. I didn't want them in a foster home. Most of my family have drug addiction problems so I couldn't have them with my family so I chose to have them with their dads parents.

My kids dad is dead. He died from suicide in 2022. He was an abuser, liar, and cheater. He's the reason I can't have more kids because he gave me an STD and didn't tell me. It went untreated and it cost me my fertility.

I met his parents after he died. He always said his mom was a raging narcissist and abusive physically and that his dad abused him sexually. He said his dad started forcing himself on him when he hit puberty and his mom let him and even encouraged him. But with how much he lied to me. How abusive he was, I wanted to hear their side. And then had a completely different side. They said he was a pathological liar and had even tried to hurt his own mom. His mom didn't seem like a narcissist and his dad didn't seem like someone who would sexually abuse kids. They met my boys once before this and I decided I wanted them to take the boys since I had no one else. It seemed fine at first but now I'm wondering if my boys are being abused. They aren't their selves at visitation anymore. They refuse to talk about home at grandma and grandpa's. They hardly talk at all. We had visitation over the week and my 14 year old was wearing a jacket in 102 degree whether. He also likes to paint his nails black and this was the first time I saw him without it in years. I asked about it. He didn't want to talk about it. I made him take off his jacket because it was too hot and both his arms are bruised. Badly. I asked what happened and he said nothing. After pushing he said him and his brother were rough housing and that's it. I've seen them rough house. He has never gotten bruised. Let alone that bruised. My youngest barely talks now. Am I being overdramati? Because if I am I don't want to say something and they get placed with a foster family. Their dad was such an awful person I assumed he lied about his parents. I just really don't want my babies with a foster family