Hello, my name is Christian. I’m looking for some outside perspective from those that might understand what my wife is going through better than me.

Lately she has been, what I would describe as mean. She nit picks everything wrong I might do. She gets escalated quickly, getting loud and saying that we shouldn’t be together. I honestly don’t understand why.

I’m going to do my best to describe things she says without making it sound worse than it really is.

First off, I want to mention that I work in customer service. Remaining calm while someone yells at me is one of my strengths. I get screamed at all day and have to respond calmly. I do my best to deescalate and I’m very successful with this at work. I handle corporate escalations for Comcast/Xfinity.

My wife, Brianna, gets escalated very quickly. She gets loud. We just had an argument, and when I asked her to “please talk to me calmly, we can have a conversation it doesn’t have to be an argument” she responded by saying “I can get as mad as I want to.”

I feel like this is abusive behavior.

She then said “I talked to my therapist about this, and the problem is always you.”

I don’t understand what I’m doing. I don’t know why she says these things. I feel like she hates me and I don’t know why. Ask me anything about my behavior and I’ll fill in whatever blanks I need to. I just want to have a better relationship with my wife. She constantly says that we aren’t good together and should separate. I don’t want to separate and have to go to court over child custody.

Please, share your thoughts with me. I need an outside perspective. I’m sure I was biased in my description, so please grill me if you need too. I want to understand what I’m doing wrong to cause this reaction from her. I just want to be the best husband and father I can be. Please help me understand.