My first, my daughter, will be starting kindergarten AND turn 5 next week. So many emotions. I’ve been keeping myself super busy with birthday party planning so I’m not hyper focused on the first day of school emotions and it’s been working. But it wasn’t until today where I thought, I need to leave the birthday planning aside and start planning lunches, after school routines, etc etc etc.

So while my kids were sleeping (I also have a 2 year old son) I took my usual nightly shower. Then all of a sudden I felt this sucker punch in the gut and I started BAWLING.

I kept thinking about the sleepy mornings when I breastfed her as a newborn. I thought about the daily egg sandwich muffins my husband would buy me from Dunkin for breakfast while binging Mr Iglesias on Netflix because I wanted to watch a series that was humorous and would distract me from my sleep deprivation and baby blues. I remembered the constant milk stains on my clothes—I could almost smell them. I remember being surrounded by so much paper work on my bed trying to figure out health insurance for my child for the first time ever and thinking out of random that she was an August baby and how in 5 years this exact month she’d be a Kindergartener. Hahaha, I told myself, that’s SO far away I don’t even need to think about it.

And we’re here. I blinked and we’re here.

I remembered the first wobbly steps she took in our hallways. Her first babbles to her first words. I remembered the fun target trips we’d have in the morning to buy her snacks and come home and eat them while watching Daniel Tiger. I remembered putting lullaby music in the room while I rocked her to sleep for nap time.

And it just suddenly hit me that I’ll never have those moments again. I had to get myself back to reality like, girl, she’s here, she’s still little. 5 is still little.

But I thought how we’re entering a brand new chapter. New struggles. New challenges. New growth. New milestones. I can go on and on. But I know it’s beautiful. What a privilege it is to see her grow into the amazing little girl she is becoming. I just feel like, no matter how difficult those first years are, they’re so precious. I can’t explain it. I think it’s just the innocence of it all.

She did Pre-K last year and she did amazing. She’s so excited for school again. But something about her turning 5 and starting elementary school is really hitting different.

I remembered a quote that said, you’ll know your children as adults for most of their lives, but as kids for only a short time.

As I mentioned I have a toddler boy and oh man am I trying my best to enjoy each moment. Embrace every challenge. Because I’ve seen it goes so quick.

Anyone relate?

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Edit: wow! I’m so touched by how many of you feel the exact same way with our little ones—makes me feel so much less alone! Loved reading everyone’s experiences. It’s just wild how fast it all goes. The early struggles of getting them to latch, setting them down for naps, coloring on the walls, getting them to learn how to use the potty, teaching them about their feelings, etc, that we thought would never end…did (for the most part 😅). Now it’s making friendships, school work, schedules, and just overall hoping they never lose their spark and continue being themselves without caring what others think. Lots of love to everyone 🩷