TW sexual assault.

I still have trouble with what to even think of this whole situation so I ignored it for 5 years. But recently it’s been coming up a lot in my brain so I need to face it ig. Idk what to categorise it as though. I was a virgin and my ex would constantly beg me to have sex. I’d usually say no and we’d just do the whole everything but sex thing. This one day though he asked to put “just the tip in”. he didn’t put just the tip in. It hurt and I asked him to stop. He didn’t and I ended up having to push him off.

Idk if it’s rape because I had consensual (?) sex with him after on different days bc he said “We’ve already done it might as well continue doing it”. I was convinced I had vaginismus &/or was asexual because of him (neither are true). It hurt every time we did it. I told him this and he still would beg me to have sex “you’ll get used to it” he’d say. I didn’t count it as sexual assault or anything bc I never said no after the first time. Only “it really hurts” and he’d keep going until he came. One time he choked me so hard I passed out. Idek what to do with these memories coming back.