24F, am finding it hard to walk a different road than that paved for women of my culture. The ideal woman in my household ultimate goals should be as follow: marry before 30, has kids before 30, remains pretty and fit, is a stay at home mom, raises high values in the home, dependent on their husbands income , and is ambitious but not more than her husband.

I see nothing wrong about women who lean into this but I do not want this for myself. I have seen the dark side of becoming dependent on one’s husband, the unhappy reality that at home moms face when they regret not pursing their dreams.

I graduated from a top public school with dreams of going to medical school and becoming a surgeon. I stopped because I thought maybe this long route was not for me if I ever wanted to have kids. Now a year after making this decision I question why I let go of this dream. Last conversation about my career goals with my mother, she suggested I become a teacher or secretary or office assistant to pay less taxes. I was taken aback, somehow it was okay or encouraged that my brother get a masters in engineering but I should step back and get a less paying job.

Now I ponder on where I have gone wrong, so much so that even by pursuing a degree from a university with less than 10% acceptance, my mother still only sees me as a future wife that will have a low-paying job until she becomes pregnant. An extreme comparison but I feel like I am a handmaiden.

I’m have thought about moving out soon. My father does encourage me to be independent but it’s hard hearing this advice from another woman like my mother. I fear coming from an environment where women were encouraged to seek higher education, seek high-paying roles without fear of taking away from one’s femininity (college) to returning to live back at home with my mother is not healthy or at least encouraging.