When my ex bf was wrongly put in jail I was the only one who was there for him after only 6 months of dating. The only one. He swore he was mr.popular but everyone abandoned him. When he came out, he didn’t have a house, money, clothes, a car. Nothing. Who helped him out? Me! When he finally got on his feet he turned his back on me. Eventually we “worked it out” but it was never the same.

He would constantly treat me hot and cold. Through those years my anxiety was through the roof. I should have left but I loved him so much I stayed hoping he would change. I stayed for 9 years. It was only after I got pregnant all the truth came out of all the times he cheated on me with different women! It was more than 10 women! He made my pregnancy hell. I found out about THREE secret children. He was honest about it during my first trimester. Imagine that. I had a high risk pregnancy throughout most of my pregnancy and was finally given the green light at 7 months. During the high risk months he purposely gave me an std and covid because he wanted me to lose my baby. I got cured and never slept with him again. He made sure my pregnancy was hell. Now that my baby is born he treats her just as bad as he did to me. He plays the hot and cold gave with her. Just like he did with me. He got upset I refused to give him another chance and be a “happy family” so he decided to get his anger out on her. He’s basically an absent parent. I’ll have to apologize the rest of my life to my daughter for not choosing the right person as her father.

I have become full of hatred, resentment, anger. I can’t help it. I’m constantly angry or crying. Every time he pops up to see the baby I become full of rage. Every time he messages or calls I become angry. I can’t have a good conversation with him because I refuse to get along with him or be friends with him. He strays far (and A LOT) from conversation only pertaining to the baby. When he calls all I want to do is hang up right away. He gets upset because when he texts I tell him to get to the point because I’m not going to keep this conversation going.

I’m crying as I’m writing this. How do I regain peace? How do I forgive someone who never apologized or realized their wrong doings? Will I ever get over what was done to me? My entire life with him was a lie. I met him at 21. I’m going to be 30 In a few months. All my 20’s were a lie. How do you ever get over having a decade of your life wasted?