TW: SA

So whenever I masturbate I always cry straight away after I finish. I feel good and then when the good feeling goes, I cry straight away. I was SA and r🍇 by my ex 2 years ago (which is when the crying started). but I’m in a new relationship where I am happy and and I feel safe during sex with him. But then I also feel so guilty after maturbating which is why I also cry but I don’t know why. My bf has tried everything to stop the crying and making me love myself but it doesn’t work. But I just have no idea why I cry, feel guilty after masturbating. But it’s only when I’m by myself. Any help would be appreciated.