Little bit of backstory. We have been married 25 years. About three years into our marriage he insisted on anal sex. I agreed and one night, without doing any research, we delved in; or should I say he delved in. Straight up my butt like it was my vagina. I tore. I screamed. I cried. He stopped. He felt terrible. We tabled it and never came back. Recently, we were discussing ways we could spice up our 25 year sex life and he asked if he could try anal again. We did some research and some reading and started slow. My husband is rather dominant sexually, which I have come to enjoy in some ways, but he has really gone out of his way not to dominate me in this area. He has been patient and kind. I am cleaning up well before sex and enjoying time spent washing in that area. We are using silicone lube, and he takes his time, sometimes even using his tongue to relax me there. I’ve gotten comfortable with my butt. We have gotten toys inside me and I’ve kind of, (I say kind of) come to enjoy it. I think I could get there. We have hit a brick wall though with his cock. He is not long, but he has healthy girth and while I can get small dildos inside my anus, I cannot take his cock. He has fully penetrated me twice since we started this again, and both times I have come up with light bleeding and feel like I have small tears in my rectum. It stings for a day or two thereafter. My husband really wants this, and frankly, I want to give it to him, but we have followed all the right advice and we still can’t seem to make it comfortable. Is this a matter of me “taking it” until my body stretches in that area to accommodate, or is there something I can apply to make that area more stretchable or accommodating? I don’t want to numb it, because he could hurt me and I wouldn’t know it. Is there anything I can apply daily to make me easier to penetrate without tearing? I am open to any and all advice. I’m not here for you to bash my husband. Please don’t. This is something he wants and he has waited very long for it. I want to be successful in providing him this pleasure if at all possible. Thoughts? Advice? Success stories to share?