So I’ve been in my relationship for four years and how it started out it was actually not a great start and I should’ve took the sign then, but I was in a relationship at the time when we met and I wasn’t really happy and he was in a relationship as well and we both were like we weren’t happy in our relationships and we agreed to be like friends And the first night he practically set it off had sex and that’s how everything began so fast forward I should’ve known that that was not smart and I ignored all the red flags because after I left my boyfriend, he was still with his girlfriend like two years after that after saying he wasn’t happy and how he was gonna leave and we were gonna go off together and live our life.

But it’s been a lot of on and off with him and his ex like I would go through his phone randomly at night at sporadic times and see that he still texting her and still to this day. There’s been nights where I would wake up out of my sleep and he’s gone and I knew where he was and he would just lie. I even pulled up on them one night and left him but still came back like he had a stronghold on me with his words and through sexual acts.

He’s texting her basically saying how he still has feelings and she’s like I’m gonna block you but never blocked him because he has a stronghold on her. They’ve been together much longer before me and him has and that from the start was just very toxic so he still has her name tattooed on him saying that he was gonna remove it, but he never has andgot my name tatted on him which I did not want. The whole relationship had a lot of ups and downs like physical abuses towards me, bad talking me at times, talking down on me, etc,. Just not being what a man is supposed to be. It’s like he’s a man, but he’s feminine as well. He wants to be rubbed and cater to And it’s like my needs Don’t really matter like he’ll do little things here and there, but it’s like I have to ask most of the times and it’s just draining. I’m the woman I want to be treated like one.

There’s also been times where we broke up and got back together like many times and I should’ve took the first a few times to just leave it all together And he like would like flirt with other women on Instagram because it flatters his ego just going through his phone and everything that I seen like it’s crazy, like it was pretty good at first how he was but that was just a mask and fast-forward, It’s just like the real him came out and I’m just really drained and tired and I wanna focus on myself and doing things that I wanna do and I’ve been in so many relationships since I was like 16 and I never had time for myself to really do what I wanna do and enjoy life for myself so I feel like that set me back a bit and now it’s like I wanna give myself that love and that attention that I know I deserve and that I desire, but it’s like sometimes the love holds me back and I’m scared because I don’t wanna be in the same predicament for years down the line and nothing changes with this situation.

I’m scared to leave but at the same time I’m not because I have to remind myself that all that he has put me through. Yeah there’s been good times but there’s been a lot of bad times as well and I feel like as a woman I should even go through half of these things that he’s putting me through and I don’t know why I still sit around and accept it like I really want better for myself and I pray that God answers that prayer for me like yesterday before I got off work and I was getting food for us. I pray to God and said I would do anything to basically live the life that I wanna live in the and just help me get out of this situation and I’ll do everything that I need to and leave and just go from there so last night I woke up at four just randomly like God woke me up and he wasn’t there so I checked his location and he’s at a car wash so I call him and see where he’s at but he had a attitude in his voice and that’s when he does whenever he’s around with someone so I was just like wow my intuition to tell me this again because it happened before where God has woke me up and I found them together, so his iPad was still here, and I put in an airplane mode and went through the messages and he was meeting with his ex so in my head I’m just like yeah it’s about time .

but I’m also just scared Because it’s been a while since I’ve been by myself and just having that fear and depending on a person so I kind of handicap for you and especially with the economy it’s hard out here but I do work from home and I have my own car so it’s not like I can’t start back up from scratch and we don’t have no kids we’re not married or anything but it’s just so draining and I’m just ready for change. Any advice?