My friend and I have been friends for about 12 years since high school and middle school. I moved away for college and lived in a different city. Now my husband and I moved about 8 months ago back to my hometown where she lives as well. We always kept in touch and I consider her a bestfriend. She has a toddler, 3 years old and an infant who is 2 months old. I have a 4 month old. So obviously we chat about motherhood and stuff. But the issue is she asks me to hang out and I’ve gone over and her son likes to hit everyone. He hits and throws things and it honestly makes me uncomfortable, last time he tried to throw something at my baby. Obviously, I don’t want to say anything to her because I feel bad as I know it’s hard to have a toddler and an infant. I know they have struggled with his behavior lately but they believe in gentle parenting and don’t tell him anything. So I avoid going over there and when she asks me to go over I try to come up with an excuse. The second issue is they bought a smokers home because they wanted to live in a rich area but the only way they could afford it is if they bought the house that smelled like cigarettes. Every time I go over it smells awful and I hate having my baby there so that’s another reason I don’t like to go over but again, I don’t want to tell her that and hurt her feelings. So then I thought, okay maybe I should have her over here. So she came over and her son was jumping all over my couch with his muddy shoes!!! I would feel just as bad regardless of the price of the couch but it’s a 10k couch gifted to us 😫 luckily we chose that one so we would be able to wash it in the washing machine so it all came off but I just thought that was so rude. He only likes to throw things and break them so I find myself having to hide my things before they come over because he’s broken things multiple times. I don’t know, maybe I’m dramatic? Maybe I’m in for a rude awakening when I have a toddler?

Is this something I should talk to her about? Or do I need a reality check?