My adult boys went into foster care when they were 14 and 15 because I went to prison for credit card fraud. They're 25 and 26 now. I feel awful because I always have to have them at separate holidays because they can't be around each other. They didn't even get into a fight. They were separated in foster care after a year in the system. The night before they were separated. My boys foster father had r@ped my younger son and forced my older son to watch. That night was the last time they saw each other for a few years and now they can't be around each other because they have traumatic feelings towards the whole thing. From what they both told me it's not that they are upset with each other. It's that that being the last memory they had together makes being around each other a lot. This year I want to be with all my children and step children for Christmas. I don't want to pick which son I have it with. I want all my kids. How can I explain this both to them while being sensitive.

@A I understand that. I'm not trying to make this about me. But why should their relationship suffer because of what their foster parent did while I was incarcerated?

@A I know I made mistakes. I don't think there's anything wrong with me wanting my boys together. Their foster parents hurt them. They didn't hurt each other. I hate that they're letting that damage their relationship. Even being mad at me would make more sense. I just don't understand why they're taking the trauma out on their relationship when they didn't hurt each other, aren't mad at each other, and clearly still love each other 🙁