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Well.....is it true? Do you yell at your daughter too much? Do you have structure and rules in place or do you let her just do whatever? Is she a spoiled brat or does she still behave and listen (assuming not if its true that you yell at her too much). Sometimes what we take as critisism is the truth that we just dont want to hear. Take a step back and view yourself from the outside. If you see that what your mom says is true then take the steps needed to fix it. If what your mom says is not true, then tell her to mind her business and stop having visits with her if shes going to continue to make you feel bad about yourself and your parenting.
Emotionally drained after visits
It seems like my mother has a lot to say about my parenting, I spoil my 5 year old daughter too much, I yell too loud, I have very little boundary. Yet she sees her maybe once every 9 months. And I fall into the trap of justifying myself by explaining. So when I got home, I felt emotionally drained, emotional and like a shitty mother. I sat down with my daughter and asked her how she feels when I do xyz. To get a perspective from her and maybe to understand am I being a bad mom.
Should I say something to my own mother?
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Un
Did you read my whole comment? I said take a step back and look at herself IF what her mom said is actually true, and if it isnt true then dont worry about it and cut her out.
Ch
Once every nine months sounds like once a year to me so it could be that the daughter is acting out because the grandma was coming around we don't know this woman or her situation so to tell her how she should parent her child or to take a step back & realize her actions is weird & wrong! Even as a mother id never tell somebody how to parent their children & most of the time the older generation expects us to parent our children like they did! Unless her mom or anyone is contributing to the well being & upbringing of the child.. stay out of it!
I just wouldn’t have visits. It’s easy to judge when you’re not around. Ultimately what she says doesn’t matter. So you have three options, tell her to shut up or you won’t visit. Say nothing and don’t visit, or visit and ignore her. Personally my response would be ‘it must be hard to know you were such a terrible mother that you didn’t teach me how to do all these things ‘right’’ and then I’d drop it.
Ch
Totally agree
G
It doesn’t sound like OPs a ‘bad’ parent. It sounds like it’s an uncomfortable situation that makes her anxious. It sounds like the mother makes hurtful comments intentionally. I match energy. If you come at me with some stupid comments when you know nothing, I got one for you too. Also, obviously they don’t have a great relationship if she’s seeing her max twice a year, that’s never the kids fault.
Ca
Why would OP’s mom be to blame for OP’s parenting? That’s a cop out. It doesn’t sound like many visits happen anyway but OP is an adult and it’s her job to be a good parent, if mom is seeing yelling and no boundaries- in one visit a year- there’s an issue.
Are those things true? Your mom is saying you’re yelling at your daughter and have no rules. Rather than justify that, figure out if there’s a parenting issue and fix it. If these things aren’t happening, why does it bother you so much? And if it isn’t true, stop your mother and tell her your parenting is off limits.
Ch
Nobody should have any say so input about how others parents or treat their children unless the child is being neglected or abused nobody else should have anything to say
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