I never imagined I’d be writing this, but here I am, trying to make sense of the most hurtful words I’ve ever heard from the person I’ve loved for six years. My boyfriend told me he wouldn’t marry me until I gave him a baby. But what makes it worse is that he said this, fully aware of my fertility struggles because I have PCOS.

Let me give you the backstory. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2020. When we got the diagnosis, he cried with me. He said he wished he could take away all my pain and that he would be with me every step of the way. He even proposed after my diagnosis, making me believe that we were stronger than ever and ready to face the challenges together.

But for the past three months, he’s been saying things like, “You’re not worth it if you can’t give me a baby,” and, “I don’t want to waste time because time is running out for you.” Running out? I’m only 25 years old! I haven’t even tried fertility treatments yet, but according to him, I’m on a countdown.

What stings even more is that he also struggles with sperm count, but instead of seeing this as a challenge we could face together, he’s placed all the pressure on me. It feels like my worth is being tied to something I have no control over.

The most painful part? He’s now trying to flip the narrative, saying that I’m the reason for the breakup. He insists that he never said he would leave me, just that he won’t marry me without having a biological child first. But isn’t that the same thing? A marriage should be based on love, partnership, and mutual respect—not ultimatums.

I’m a foster parent, and one of my dreams is to adopt children one day. I’ve always been open about that. But even that’s “not good enough” for him. He outright told me that adopting doesn’t count, and it doesn’t matter if I love these kids or want to give them a home. To him, a child isn’t “real” unless it’s biologically ours.

How did we get here? I keep replaying the promises he made after my diagnosis. He said he would support me no matter what, but now it feels like all those promises have been broken. What hurts the most is realizing that he doesn’t see me for who I am—he sees me for what I can or can’t give him. I never thought our relationship would boil down to something so conditional.

He claims he didn’t mean it “like that,” but his words tell a different story. When someone says they don’t want to “waste time” on you, it doesn’t matter how they spin it—the damage is done.

I thought we were a team, but it’s clear that his vision of the future doesn’t include me unless I can fulfill his demands. I haven’t even had the chance to try fertility treatments yet, and he’s already decided that time is running out. Meanwhile, his own fertility issues are conveniently left out of the conversation.

I’m questioning everything. How can I trust someone who’s made my value dependent on something as uncertain as fertility? Relationships are supposed to be built on love, trust, and mutual support, but here I am, left to feel like I’m not enough for him unless I can meet his impossible conditions.

When did our relationship become transactional?

If you’ve been through something like this, just know that your worth isn’t defined by anyone else’s expectations. You deserve someone who values you for who you are—not for what you can or can’t provide. And while this hurts deeply, I’m reminding myself of that too.