TRIGGER: SPEAKING OF INFANT LOSS

I just need to vent and be told everything will be ok.

My first, a baby boy, was born October 26, 2022. I was full term with a healthy baby and he passed unexpectedly shortly after birth. My mom and I argued about two weeks before I had him because she was assisting my 15 year old nephew who was on probation with passing his drug test and we both talked about how his passing made us feel since we weren’t talking at the time of his birth.

Fast forward now, I am 18w6d with my baby girl. My mom and I got into a heated argument last night because her and my 12 year old niece had an argument and she called my 33 year old sister over to her house to physically fight my niece. I was pissed and although I didn’t cuss my mom out, I was cussing as I was arguing with her. I told her that she was not a good mom to us growing up and she had a chance to redeem herself with her grand children and she’s failing.

My mom has had custody of my oldest sisters 6 children since their mom passed away 9 years ago. I have already taken my oldest niece who is 16 in because she snuck out one night to smoke and ended up getting raped. My mom called her fast and a ho for sneaking out in the first place.

During the argument last night, my mom insinuated how my son passed and how this pregnancy would end up the same way because I was being disrespectful again.

I have since apologized to my mom which got nowhere. She told me she doesn’t want me around her and my older sister who fought my niece also told me she doesn’t care what happens in life, she never wants to speak to me again for speaking to my mom like I did.

My feelings are hurt and I’ve been worried that maybe my mom is right and my disrespect will land me in the same situation with my baby as it did in 2022. After the argument I was crampy but once I chilled and had some water the cramping went away and my daughter has been moving around again.

I just need advice, encouragement, something. I feel like I would’ve been better just shutting up and not speaking up for what I felt like was right when it came to my 12 year old niece.