Sorry its long :)

I come from a narcissistic terrible family. My parents had me at 16 and 17 and pretty much loved me every second but then my sister came along and they pretty much abandoned me. I was the last resort for everything. That doesnt mean i didnt get any attention but it was just clear my parents loved my sister a lot more. When i was 9 my parents divorced and my life was completely changed and awful. My parents fought much that at 11 they got me a phone so they could use me as a messenger to get things done. When i was 14 i told them i wasn’t going to do that anymore, My dad moved on and married a wonderful amazing women and my now stepmom and my mother moved on and married a man i thought was supper nice and kind but turned into being a narcissistic cheater who would turn against us any chance he got. It got so bad he manipulated my mom into quitting her job and being a stay at home mom while he worked his crappy job, they finally got a house witch was amazing but then my mom found out he was cheating on her every single day and every night when she wasnt looking and this was going on for 5 years. During this was all happening my sister would make me so mad i would literally have to walk away or else i would have an urge to punch her in the face or just do the unthinkable. I really love my sister but she also makes me want to either kill her or myself. It got so bad i stayed at my dads for months just to be away from her, I cut all contact until her 13th birthday when she apologized for being a dick and ruining my life. My mom on the other hand pretty much blames me for her divorce thinking i was too hard on him and thats why he cheated because he was stressed and yada yada, she also blames me for my sister getting depressed because i left and stopped texting her when the whole time i would have stayed but she is the one who drove me away. I am now 18 my sister is 14 and i have little to no contact with her or my mother. i just cant help wonder if i was to rough by ignoring them and not letting them be part of my life. I wish my mom was there for my memories I’ve made and created with my husband and my twin daughters (Margaret and Ruby) who gave me hope again. Im still super close to my dad and stepmom they are literally the best and the only thing i know of my stepdad is he is in jail for sexual assualt and has 4 more kids that i will never ever know (thank the lord).

Sorry for the long rant i just needed to say that out loud (or type it out lol)