Just feeling so depressed about baby #3

When my husband and I got together , i had two kids from a previous marriage. He totally stepped up and became a full-time dad to them. We tried for a baby for a few years and it was not happening. Then my health started to decline and we decided no more kids. He got a vasectomy and we went on with life.

My health took a bad turn, and with the chaos of life he ended up missing his 2 year check for his vasectomy. We brushed it off and thought nothing of it. My health got a bit better and i stabilized - but am now unable to work and need daily assistance.

We decided to sell our dream home for a more accessible one for me, and move my parents in so I could get more consistent help, and get help with the bills since we are down to one income. We pay my mom to help with our kids and it all works nicely.

His parents never really took to me or my kids, but they live far away and although hurtful - I try not to think about it.

But then I got pregnant.

Which was like a slap in the face. We were so uncertain about keeping this baby - worried about my health, babies health, what life would look like since there’s now a 10 year age gap between our eldest and the youngest. The first month was utter turmoil of emotion, but we decided this was a gift, and to embrace it. We waited a long time to tell anyone as my health makes this a high risk pregnancy. But when we did….jeez.

My parents are thrilled and totally have embraced this even though it adds so much work for them. But most of my friends, my brother plus most of the rest of my family are so dismissive and mean about it. No one is excited, everyone brings up my health, my age, the age gap for our kids, our finances, it’s so frustrating and hurtful. I do understand also, but I just didn’t expect it to be like THIS. Then to make it worse - his family is now suddenly wanting to be involved - plan to come and visit (they haven’t in 7 years), call him all the time, know every detail….im so hormonal and it’s so hurtful.

My mom planned a little baby shower for me, - invited close by family, a few friends, his family - and no one RSVP to it so I asked her just to cancel and spent the day crying.

Because our finances are so different, I have bought second hand most of the things we will need for baby. But I did make a little registry for the invites my mom sent out - nothing huge on it, some diaper cream, nipple cream, some books, it was very small with like 15 items total….only my parents got anything off it.

It’s not like I expect a thing - but it just hurts my feelings so much. I was always the person to go out of my way to help people, but I can’t now so apparently I’m not worthy of excitement?? 4 of my friends who were invited - I planned their baby showers, I spent hundreds on their parties and gifts, made them padsicles, frozen homemade meals, two of them I even babysat their other kids while they were in labour for their others. I just don’t understand and I’m so hurt. His family makes me feel like an incubator, my family makes me feel regretful….i just feel so sad.

I jsut needed to get that out there. I’m just so sad my disability has taken so much from me. I feel so unworthy of any kind of happiness, and so stupid to believe that I could be happy again.