Am I wrong for cutting my best friend off while she was pregnant & after?

I feel really bad. In the past few years, I’ve had complicated situations with pregnancy/fertility young and it’s really scarred me. I had an abortion when I was 17 (I didn’t want to but it was for the best and my mom made me have one), I got pregnant when I was 19 again and miscarried at 10 weeks. I got pregnant at 21 and had to get an abortion again even though I was on birth control at the time. Then I had several miscarriages in the past 2 years with my ex while we were living together, late term and early term. One was so bad I had to get a blood transfusion and be rushed to the ER. I got off birth control in 2023 and decided to break up with my ex and be celibate for a while. And then this year, I made a mistake and slipped up and slept with my ex and ended up pregnant since I wasn’t on BC. I had no idea what I wanted to do with the pregancy because me and my ex are not in a good place and were both financially struggling. But I ended up having a miscarriage at 18 weeks in April of this year. It was so painful, devastating, I had to go to the ER. I was cold. On top of that, the miscarriage also made my hair fall out at the 18th week mark and while I have grown my hair back, my periods still aren’t regular months later. They come in different days. Never the same. It’s a shocking blow because my periods had just gotten regular in 2022 and came on the same day around the same time and were much less painful. Now my periods are irregular, my PMS is worse, I’m colder during my period and my cramps are worse. I don’t have PCOS or endo my hormones just have been completely off since the miscarriage since it was the second trimester.

Me and my friend have been friends since 5th grade. We’re both 24. She’s litterally been my only friend who’s stayed somewhat loyal throughout the years. She knew about my abortion when I was teen, she was one of the only ones I told. And she knew about my miscarriages with my ex too. She got pregnant last fall, and ever since then I’ve distanced myself and haven’t talked to her. I do feel bad because on one hand I miss her and know we would have so much to talk about and I’d love to be close to her again but it’s just too triggering. I was actually considering reconnecting around last winter but when I got pregnant and miscarried I just isolated myself even more. I haven’t been outside in weeks. I’m still depressed I’m just thankful to work from home so I don’t have to actually go out. Me and my friend also had a huge internet argument in the spring while I was still pregnant. It happened after she sent some photos around of me at 17 that I never knew she took. We both said horrible things. Not only that but I feel horrible for getting into an argument with my friend and I feel even worse for not reconnecting when she gave birth because she had a premie and was in the hospital for a month and I never went to see her, apologized etc.

I feel so bad. This whole situation this year and last year has been eating my heart away.