10 weeks pregnant - with our 4th baby. Kids are 6,5,3. Motherhood didn’t come easy for me, postpartum depression, losing myself. Still not found myself. Basically been a stay at home mum for 6 years. My youngest is about to start pre-K. So I was looking into careers and things I’d want to do finally now I’m not staying home. Well things changed now I’m pregnant. I don’t want to do this all again, the diapers, the sleepless nights, the terrible 2s3s. I’m still there with my youngest.

I have abortion pills- since I found out I was pregnant I’ve been going back and fourth of what’s the best decision to make for the kids we currently have. My husband wants to keep this baby and said he’d do anything to make that happen. It’s easy to say that when he’s not the primary parent for our kids. He works ALOT and works hard for our family. But knowing this and knowing how much I struggle with 3 when he’s working gives me so much anxiety and sadness about what I’m about to endure with having another baby.

I don’t know what I’m looking for on here- words of wisdom, some advice, anything really to help me see things more clearly. My mental health hasn’t been great since having kids and I was looking forward to finding some freedom in our kids becoming more independent. This is hard for me.

Please be kind!