I shouldn’t be with anyone

I was seeing someone new, for 3 months. After I had ended things with my ex when I found out he cheated. (I was single for a few months before seeing the new guy.) I just had a baby, he was 6 months old when I met the new guy. (It just happened. I wasn’t looking when I met him.)

Anyway, we fell for each other 2 months in. He has no experience with children, I have 2 who are 3 & 6 months. He was a busy business owner (contractor). I got scared, I rushed him, i asked him questions I shouldn’t have, I put my trauma on him by accusing him of possibly seeing someone else when he went out to have some drinks. So we split. It’s been a month now. I stupidly took my ex back so I’ve been with him for almost a month now. Things are eh, ok. Cuz i had to be honest & I told him I was seeing someone.

I can’t stop thinking about the guy I met. I miss him. He was super funny, kind, strong, sweet, & he was also broken. I adored every bit of him. When he was down, I did my best to comfort him & talk him out of his drowning thoughts. He had a best friend pass, he cried about him. I did my best to comfort him & listen, hold him when he’d cry. Let him know that his friend is proud of where he is today. He was also there for me when my grandpa had passed. He held me all night the night he passed, I talked to him about my grandpa.

Idk, I just miss him. lol. I’m a little messed up.