If I was your husband would you be disgusted with me? Update: We Talked

I don't ever use this app. My wife wanted me to have it to track her period but I don't ever post here. I usually post things on Reddit. I made a post on Reddit about an hour ago and I decided to come here because this app mainly has women and I'm assuming a lot of you are married so I wanted to know your opinion and if you would be disgusted by me. I have a lot of people on Reddit telling me to tell my wife. I also have some trolls being shitty. What's new. Reddit. But a couple saying not to tell my wife. This was my post

I know my wife wasn't trying to hurt my feelings with the comment. She doesn't know anything and was just joking around. I love her. She's the best thing I could ever ask for. More than I deserve. If I was your husband would you find me disgusting? Would my body disgust you? I'm not sure if I will ever tell her. But at the very least I want to know how other women would react before I decide.

Update: We talked today since we are both off from work. My wife knows I was physically abused by my dad and my mom left. She didn't know all the other stuff. I was smoking weed in the bathtub and she came in to smoke with me and I told her I had to tell her something and just told her what I wrote on Reddit. (Side note: Took the post down on Reddit because while most people were kind, there were quite a few who were awful for no reason. It wasn't even just the people calling me a liar. Some literally commented fuck boy and were sending me shitty chat request with hurtful shit). I don't like getting vulnerable and I didn't look at her when I spoke about it. She started to cry and apologized for calling me a fuck boy. I told her I knew she was joking and it wasn't her fault. She also said if my dad wasn't already dead she would kill him herself. I did start to cry a little. I don't like to cry. Not because I think men shouldn't cry but I spent my entire life and childhood crying. I've cried enough tears to last a lifetime. She kept saying how sorry she was and I didn't like that because I really don't want pity. I don't want people to see me as someone who's broken and I felt like that is how she was looking at me. She wasn't disgusted by me which was a relief. Being looked at like I'm broken isn't much fun either though. In a way I am happy that someone in my life finally knows. Even after I escaped that situation people had perceived me as a fuck boy and womanizer. When really I didn't know anything else besides sex. I actually have a really low sex drive. Maybe because of my childhood but in my my early 20's I did have a low sex drive but had sex because it's what I felt made me useful. My dad used to tell me the only thing I ever had going where my looks. And it was nice to choose to have sex with all those people instead of being forced to. It does feel nice to have someone in my life understand and 100% see me for me. My wife did ask if I wanted to go to therapy. I might try it but I'm so fucked I'm not sure what exactly a therapist will be able to do for me.