Advice

I just need some advice. So I’ll get straight to the point.

We have two kids together.

My partner told me he had a dream last night that he cheated on me. He said he felt really bad and wanted to tell me about it so I knew.

I know dreams like that may happen, the fact that it happened didn’t bother me. But what happened in it and the choices he made did.

Dream:

He said he was watching something as a class or whatever. This girl he went to high school with apparently started kissing his thighs. He said to himself “I shouldn’t be doing this I have Janie” so he told her to go away but apparently he felt as if he “missed his chance” still feeling riddled with guilt about hurting me, he went back to her. Punched the man she was supposed to have sex with and fucked her instead. He said it wasn’t that great but the way she was loving it was hot for him.

I’m hurt because he said when it started he was already riddled with guilt but chose to go back to her bc he felt as if he was “missing his chance”. He knows right from wrong and he needed up choosing what he knew would hurt “dream me”

What sucks even more is that we made love last night and he said he was totally into it and enjoying it all but apparently when he went to go to bed he asked God “Will you be another woman in my dreams so I can have a variety” something along those lines. I felt a betrayal after that. He purposely asked God to do that bc I don’t “give him variety”

Because he says he didn’t get to sexually explore himself after sleeping with 7 woman. He has always thought about other woman a lot and that he wants to have sex with other woman a lot but stays loyal and says he tries to shut it out. He’s been saying for a while that I’m not his type and he has a hard time be attracted to me a lot even tho I’m beautiful.

I feel as if I will never be enough because he’s always needing more and I don’t check all his physical boxes. He told me he thought the attraction would build after we got together.

I’m having a hard time wanting to be near him bc of what he asked from God.