I'm the problem..

I (30F) have recently realized that I'm the problem in the relationship.. I was married to a narcissist man and abusive. We went to marriage therapy/counseling but that only gave him more ways to hurt me. Well I divorced him in early spring of 2023. I gave myself time to heal went to a new therapist and worked through everything. So I thought.. I met my now BF (M28) we meet in Fall of 2023 on a dating app. Everything was going fine until we got into a heated talk about how he seemed to have this fake face on and he admitted he wasn't being himself and he was putting up a wall because he was scared. Fast forward.. I'm starting to have the old me come through in this relationship. My diagnosed anxiety is starting to come through with some of the things he's been doing that my ex used to do and it's very triggering. I keep telling myself this isn't the same man but half of me knows that and the other half is stuck in fight or flight mode. I'm constantly second guessing what he does and challenging him and then I'm left completely drained of energy. I hate it and I can't stop it. He doesn't hug me or hold my hand or reassure me and I think he's tired of it. I'm hoping to break it off shortly and sit him down and talk. I tried to break up with him a couple months ago (when I noticed what I was doing) but he begged me to stay and said that we were soulmates and how he hasn't met anyone like me. But I feel toxic, and he's a kind guy and deserves better, someone to treat him right and can let him grow as an individual and in a healthy relationship.