My husband (41) and myself (36) have been together for ten years and married for 8. The past two months we have been really drifting apart. My husband is very withdrawn and doesn’t really seem interested in being around me or our daughter. He comes home and goes straight to the bedroom, on his phone. We use to have sex everyday for 9 years but this past 6 months the intimacy has gotten less and less often to where I don’t remember the last time he kissed me, and we haven’t had sex

In two weeks at the moment which other than when I was post partunm this is the longest stretch we have ever gone. So I’ve been trying to figure out what has changed or what is going on with us to cause this. Cheating has definitely crossed my mind but honestly, unless he’s at work, which he owns his own business so most days he’s only gone for 6 hours at a time, then he is at home. I also have gone through his phone ( I know not my finest moment) and other than some porn, which doesn’t bother me that much, I haven’t found anything to hint to infidelity.

So next I considered maybe he is depressed. He has experienced mental health issues and his psychiatrist put him on a medication, that has helped a lot when it comes to the mental health aspect, but I’m wondering if that is contributing to the low sex drive.

So the last week has been very awkward and we just seem to exist by one another but I feel no love from him and he can be very cold. Well today I sent him a message asking him what is going on, stating all this and tonight we had a conversation. Again, I mentioned all the things I mentioned above and finally I said, “Are you not attracted to me anymore?” His response was, “Are you going to grow out your hair?” Which I replied, “I take that as no.” And he just laughed, but I could tell that’s exactly what he was implying. (For context, two years ago I fucked up my hair bad, which I had beautiful, long, thick, red hair. Well long story short, I ended up shaving it and the grow out process has been very hard for me, the whole process has, and I always end up cutting it again. I wear wigs usually, but he would always say, “stop with the wigs, I like your real hair better” so I never thought it mattered to him to the point he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore.

I am just so heartbroken at the moment. I already struggle with severe self image problems and have low self esteem, and when it came to my hair, he has witnessed how distraught and how much having short hair affects my confidence. I cried for a month straight. I still cry atleast once a week. I just want my long hair back. But that’s besides the point. My husband says he’s not attracted to me. Wtf do I do with that? What do you guys think. Any advise or insight would really be appreciated. I’m just so hurt and feel so empty right now. I feel like I was kicked in the chest by a horse. Thanks for reading! Merry Christmas!

Who usually drives, you or your partner?

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