My in laws think I'm lazy after having a baby 3 weeks ago

Me and my husband have 3 kids. My last two were twins. I ended up giving birth in the car because we didn't make it to the hospital. I am only 3 weeks postpartum and still struggling. My FIL loves to say how women don't know pain and that child birth isn't the worst pain ever and how when my husband was 14 he was shot 3x and didn't even cry. Which my husband's only reply to that is "You're the one who shot me..." Which is true. My MIL went to prison for that and can no longer legally have a gun because he shot my husband when he was 14. And my father in law said "Point it, you took what happened and didn't cry." My husband just mumbled so his dad couldn't hear "I was too busy dying." Side note I don't understand how your son being "strong" enough to not cry after YOU shot them 3x is a brag." I hate that man. My MIL also agrees with my FIL and says she was up and cleaning a week after having a baby so there's no excuse for me not to be upset and making sure the house is spotless. All my husband does and tell his mom to let us do us and her do her. It just doesn't feel like he ever truly stands up for me to his parents. I've spoken to him about it and he just says then let's just not go over there but I want my kids to know their grandparents. I feel like they would stop if my husband fully stood up for me and demanded respect for me but he just suggests we don't go over there.

Edit: My husband is almost 35 now so that shooting happened 20 years ago. He was in foster care for a short period after that but was forced attend this type of place/camp when he was 15 where their job is to reunify parent child relationships. I don't know much about these type of places. I've heard some people say they're basically conversion therapy for abusive parents and that it manipulates children into having a relationship with their abusers. But he and his brother had to live at this camp with his mom to work on fixing the relationship and forgiving his dad. Our kids are not around his dad alone. We have to be there every time he's around them. Also my FIL doesn't own guns anymore. He legally can't

Edit2: Both my parents are dead. If we don't have my husband parents my children would have no grandparents. My mom was an awful mother but I would still want my kids to know her had she been alive and I wish I did spend more time trying to fix the past with her when she was alive instead of wallowing in it