Terrifyingly…… Hopeful

Hello. I’m super apprehensive about posting this. But I need some mental support. I just found out I’m pregnant roughly 2 weeks ago. I’m supposedly 5 weeks 4 days pregnant today. This is my 4th pregnancy. 3 miscarriages before this, all within the first trimester. I had tests don’t after second miscarriage….. but all came back normal.

I have PTSD and was on meds after the second one for the past 5 years. I have a flashback while sleeping. I wake up screaming from them and almost always pee myself. I’m in therapy religiously every week. I’m praying for this baby everyday. I’ve tried for 8 years for my rainbow. Today is my first OB appointment. I’m so apprehensive. I’m afraid to admit to myself that there’s a possibility that I’m finally going to be a mama.