Struggling with miscarriage

So i got my bfp on december 10th and on december 31st i found out the pregnancy was not viable on the 2nd of january i started bleeding and on the 3rd i lost my baby i was between 7 and 9 weeks pregnant i feel flawed i dont know how to feel and the pain was unreal during the loss on the 2nd and 3rd i cry but i feel like this has been a horrible evil joke after 15yrs of trying for baby no2 this is the first time ive had such a strong positive n a scan to verify a pregnancy to lose it n have it just gone feels awful and i dont know how to deal with these feelings can anyone advise anything to help please x