What if I did die?

Question

What if I did die? Would everything that I’ve been waiting to happen, happen? Would it all just work out? Magically teach my a lesson about patience if I had waited *just* one more day? 
I woke up with some pretty bad thoughts and tried to contact my therapist via phone 3 times so I just got up and went to the place. I’m in the office now and I have no appointment so I feel really rude. But I really needed to talk to someone and lay my head down. I feel like everyone in my life has run out of motivation to give me. And I’ve run out of reasons to keep going. But, IF I did die. If I wasn’t here anymore.. what would happen? Would I have been right to die? Or would it have been a waste.

Answer

So its not getting better rn. I understand. It feels like that, that situation, that feeling will just, never go away. And it feels easier to opt out right? Maybe people keep telling you "it gets better". So cliche. But think about watching the reactions of the people who love you learn you are gone. If you have kids, imagine them crying, asking for mommy, not understanding why you cant come hug them. You s/o and friends, blaming themselves for not being able to help you or stop you. Maybe your parents, the pain of loosing their baby, wishing they could have taken your burden, so you didnt feel so heavy. Your pet(s) not understanding why you haven't come back, wondering if they did something wrong to make you not want them. Then imagine, you never get to watch a sunset or sunrise again. You never get to taste your favorite food, never listen to your favorite music, never see the faces you love again. Sure, it seems easier to be gone. But is it really?? And that cliche about it getting better, it DOES. It takes time and work. You wouldn't go for a jog with a torn tendon. You wouldn't expect it not to hurt while it heals. Give your brain the same grace. Give it the same love, and patience, and effort. But one day youre gonna think back and realize it did get better. You're WORTH saving. Its not your place to decide you're not when your brain has literal damage preventing you from thinking clearly. Depression causes actual damage to the brain btw. There are people who the world would be better off without. You are NOT one of them. Do what you have to do to stay alive. If the bare minimum is all you got then do that. Its okay. Im glad youre trying to get help.

Answer

I lost a best friend to suicide when I was in high school and it was absolutely devastating. To this day I just wish that they would’ve reached out to me ( or anyone) and kept pushing through. There’s not a milestone in my life that I accomplish where I don’t think of them because I wish they could also be here to one day experience the same things. Life fucking sucks sometimes. I’ve struggled with my mental health for years and have had my fair share of attempts/battles with self harm. Sometimes it’s really hard to care about anything but your own despair and it can be crippling BUT there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, it’s taken a lot therapy and I had to go through a journey of self discovery and love in order to get to the place where I am now. It’s not perfect, I still have my days where I am struggling but I’m proud to say I shaving been in a place where I’ve thought about hurting myself in a long time. One of the best things for me was doing things that made me feel like me and made me feel like I had the opportunity to make changes in my life that were positive. I had a lot really horrible things happen that were out of my control and so when I was younger I truly thought that the universe or God had it out for me. Even when good things happened, because I have been blessed, I still felt cursed with my past traumas and with the burden of my mental health. My therapist recommended small, positive changes and it’s helped. Find friends that you can be open with that will help you make sense of your feelings because sometimes a different perspective also helps. There’s still so much life for you to live. There’s still so many new first experiences waiting for you. You can make the changes in order to get there. I’m rooting for you. If you need to talk, because I know this can be lonely, my DMs are open. Sending you good vibes💗

Answer

You have to live for yourself. The people around you cant give you motivation. That’s too big of a job for them and humans will always fail. It wouldn’t be right. Life is always changing and you still have purpose. God loves you. Try Him. Life isn’t as long as it feels. Talk to your therapist, go inpatient if you need to.

What if I did die?

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