fuck fuck fuck

i need desperate help, i’m 17 and i’ve been with my boyfriend (18) for 5 months. we have sex usually with a condom and i was waiting for this period to start before i started taking my pill. we had sex 1 time without a condom and i know he didn’t cum inside me. i just took a pregnancy test and i am pregnant. i don’t know what to do, ive just started tafe for hairdressing apprenticeship and he’s working on tug boats. i struggle a lot mentally but ive made so much progress im in a place where i can feel okay most days. i dont know what to do. if i keep the baby im scared my bpd will make me into a monster and i traumatise the child. if i have an abortion all that progress and all that work i’ve done is down the drain, i know ill start using drugs again to cope and self harm. i’m so scared i don’t know what to do