TW: PPD

Hey moms,

I’m a second time mom to a beautiful baby girl born 2/24/25. My firstborn, my son, passed about 20 minutes after birth very unexpectedly in October 2022.

I have been so happy and feeling blessed to have her. Last Sunday, during one of her overnight breastfeedings she wouldn’t stop fussing and I accidentally fell asleep with her asleep laying on me. I woke up to her flailing her arms and legs under the cover. I felt so bad and I still think about it and shed tears.

Just now we were both laying down and she was choking on spit up breastmilk and wasn’t making a sound but I started crying because I feel like I wasn’t being attentive enough. I’m starting to feel like I’m not good enough to be her mom like she’s too precious to have someone not paying attention to her. I just pray that God doesn’t take her like her brother was taken because of my mistakes. I don’t even know how I coped with losing him I couldn’t imagine going through that again.

Idk if this is depression because truly I’m happier than I ever been but as soon as something bad happens I start to doubt myself as her mom. Is this normal???