Marriage and Fianaces!?

Question

I’m I a horrible person for wanting to keep my own bank account? Me and my boyfriend just had the financial conversation about joint accounts with marriage. I would like to keep my own bank account because I’m very good with money and he has proven not to be the greatest with his, of course I love him and I would financially help him in any ways needed but it caused a whole argument because he wants to share accounts. I guess I’m just looking for some insight on others views .

Answer

We have a joint account and individual. I think keeping your own money is very important but it’s equally important to have a joint account so things are transparent. My husband and I put all our money in the joint account and weekly move equal amounts to our personal accounts. Keeps things fair. That way if he wants to spend $400 on a new power tool, he’s more than welcome to do so after saving that money in his personal and I don’t have to worry about if it’s going to affect our budget. Nor does he feel like he needs to run big purchases by me. If he has the money in his personal account, it’s his. And vice versa.

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Well that’s a giant walking red flag. I wouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t on the same page 100% financially. I could see a joint account where you each contribute a certain equal amount that covers half the household expenses and a little extra for savings. But the rest, I wouldn’t let him go anywhere near it. Although, when this ends in divorce because of financial issues he’ll probably get half of whatever you have anyway. Yeah, definitely don’t marry this joker.

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Marriage does not give him rights to your finances those are mutual decisions between partners not an obligation, him not respecting your boundary is a red flag. You need to explain this to him and not just allow him to change your wants by dangling the marriage over your head. Like you said you love him even though he’s not proven good with finances. He needs to love you even though you don’t want to share a bank account and if he can’t make that effort but you can it seems a little one sided.

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Definitely, recommend keeping separate bc he'll just blow your $.

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Well I wouldnt want to marry someone who has a 'my money' type of attitude because I feel that we are merging our lives together and that inudes finances. However, if hes irresponsible with money, thats a very legitimate concern on your part so it makes total sense why youre hesitant. I actually think that needs to be futher discussed regardless of the bank situation. You still dont want him doing things like running up credit cards or blowing all of his part of the bill money or him always asking you for help because he cant handle his finances, even if you have your own account, that will still cause major conflict. So you guys need to talk about that further and come up with an agreement. Like maybe each of you gets an allowance for your miscellanous/leisure/shopping type of expenses. After thats resolved, you could try having a joint account for bills only and see how that goes. But if he thinks he has no problem yet you see it as a problem, or he gives a 'ok I will spend less' vague response with no plan....no bueno.

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I would honestly recommend you do premarital counseling that addresses financial issues and budgeting so you can work on this together. It’s not solely a dealbreaker for some couples to have separate accounts, but it’s a red flag for things to come when it must be done for this reason. Couples who can’t trust each other with money have a higher risk of divorce. It can quickly lead to resentment and feeling more like roommates when things are on such a transactional basis and “my money, your money”. Does marriage give him the right to your money? No, but the fundamental issue is that you should be able to trust your spouse with something that important. 
He also shouldn’t be guilt tripping you about this. It’s understandable if he is upset that you don’t trust him enough to share accounts, but he should be responding to that by holding himself accountable and taking steps to become financially responsible, not acting like he is. This is red flag #2. I know you love him despite his issues with finances, but marriage requires trust, respect, honesty, and accountability as well. 
The best way to set everything up initially would probably be to set a joint account after you are married, but retain your individual accounts. You both can set your direct deposit from work to pay a certain percentage into the joint account to cover all important expenses that auto draft from that account, and neither of you touch it for anything else. The rest can be sent to your individual accounts for other purchases. You can send additional money to a high yield savings and/or investment account (outside of what you contribute to your 401k) this way too, if you are concerned that he might spend money before you can save it. I’m guessing you probably already do that since you mentioned being good with money, but wanted to bring it up so there would be a further safety net in case something major happens. 
Keep in mind - if you ever did get divorced without some kind of prenup contract explicitly stating that your money and assets will remain separate and why, he could try to hold financial abuse against you for withholding money in accounts he had no access to, even if you had a logical reason for doing so.

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Reconsider marriage with this person. You will end up unhappy and probably run into some big financial issues. Keep your money separate!

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My husband and I have separate accounts. We haven’t even talked about getting joint accounts.

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The two of you need to take financial wellness classes as a couple. You need to learn together, set goals and work together financially. 
You need to be able to work together in every aspect and if one person is lacking somewhere you work together to fix it. 
Do not get married until you work on and fix this.

Answer

Keep separate accounts. Maybe a joint account for bills like automatic payments on things like the water bill, cable, etc.