Messy FWB advice needed

Am I in the wrong?

I'm a single mom of 2 boys and I've been seeing this guy (fwb but exclusive) for two years now. He's very sweet but sometimes has a temper. He's good with my kids but has expressed he doesn't want to be a father figure which I'm fine with I've been parenting mostly by myself anyways. I like hanging out with him and having fun. We both live at the same complex in separate apartments, but for about 6 months he's been staying over at my place and its the messiest I have ever had to live. We have very opposite work schedules and we are both very tired delivery drivers so his excuse for not being clean is that he's tired. I require everyone to take off their shoes at the front door since it's new carpet, but he will still wear his work boots (delivery driver shoes are covered in grease). He does not throw away small trash items and will instead just leave plastic in the sink, bottles on counters, etc.) He's also a foodie. He loves to cook. I love to cook too but I've never seen someone who spills and splatters so much while cooking. He also will collect random things in his pocket and empty them out. The worst one is the weed smoking. I smoke weed outside but my habit has been cut since I've been living in a single bedroom apartment that only has one window to the outside which is in my living room which is also half my kids bedroom (They are pretty young) so it hasn't been an issue). When my kids are at their dad's or when we aren't here because I'm at work and they are at daycare he smokes EVERYWHERE and ashes everywhere. I've offered options to maybe help keep his items in one place like a small plastic dresser but he doesn't like the idea. I have asked him to smoke in the bedroom but then he says he'll just go stay at his apartment then. I have also put ash trays everywhere and he still manages to ash on tables in bowls of food that he will leave on tables and a rolling tray so he will stop rolling on my counters and leaving weed bits everywhere. When he does try to clean, I end up having to clean up his mess after he cleans (ie he drips soapy water on the wood floor after laundry or washing dishes or when he throws trash away he doesn't empty fluids and it gets all over my trash. He's also very destructive somehow. He drops red sauces all over the carpets, somehow managed to break my water dispenser, and I am at my wits end of trying to clean up after it all. I feel like he's not respecting my boundaries and I'm so tired of coming home to a disgusting apartment. I'm tired too and do the scar same work as him except overnight and I pick up kids, do a side gig, and mange to keep a social life not only with him but my other friends.Anyways a week ago I cleaned up his apartment in hopes that maybe he will want to go back and maybe do his messier activities over there. I also really miss being able to have people over whenever I want because I can't keep up with the mess anymore and I am so embarrassed at how my place looks and am afraid of judgement from other parents because of the weed smell everywhere and worried that I could get in trouble with dhs even though I'm not the one leaving weed everywhere. He still stayed with me this week and trashed my place after I cleaned both places. I was cleaning this morning and he got upset that I got upset that he threw away a moldy Ramen cup with fluid in it and it got all over my trash can, bag and all over my arms and clothes when I had to walk outside to throw it away. I ended up having to send him home (although when I confront him he threatens to go stay at his place and not come over). I like having him over because he is really fun, I just don't understand how he has no respect towards my stuff that I own. I really take pride in where I live and how I decorate. I didn't have much growing up so everything I buy I try to make it last. I'm going to be moving to a bigger apartment here soon and I really don't want it to get disgusting or smell of weed like this one does and I'm worried with the amount of destruction he's already caused that I might not get my deposit back (my white counters are stained from him leaving red sauce over night or leaving rusty things on places I didn't see. This is something that is really important to me and I was still willing to meet him in the middle to try to make things a little less stressful for me and for him. Am I overreacting? Also I'm the only person that pays for everything in my place so it's not like he's contributing to anything besides when he buys food to cook (I buy my own food for me and my kids he just never eats what we eat). I really like him but oh my god he is such a mess and I am overwhelmed. I wish it were just as easy as he could just stay at his place and visit but I think he was offended by me saying he needs to do his activities at home.