Would you be concerned with your husband going to bars?

Question

My husband recent got a promotion at work. With the promotion also comes some occasional traveling. For the past 6 months he has had to fly out of state once a month for a 3-4 day business days. 
EVERY SINGLE TIME he travels out of state for work he goes MIA after working hours (after 6pm). I call- no response. I text- no response. We have kids and they always want to say good night to him but I can NEVER get a hold of him. (Literally for the past 6 months he as only FaceTimed the kids TWICE to say good night out of 20+ possible nights) 
When I ask him the next day why he didn’t answer my calls or texts he usually says that he just orders dinner in his hotel room and passes out. 
Come to find out- he is actually either spending his evenings in the hotel bar, or going to a local bar within walking distance of his hotels. 
This is concerning to me.  
I have no evidence of any cheating. And when I try to talk to him about it he shuts down the conversation. I can’t get anything from him.  
If this was your husband would you be concerned? Or would you have confidence and trust enough to just let it be?

Answer

I’d have a problem with the lying more than a problem with him going to a bar. He could just tell you that’s what he’s doing. Why did he feel the need to lie about it? Thats definitely sus

Answer

He’s lying, he’s screening your calls. He’s clearly doing something he knows he shouldn’t be.

Answer

Definitely red flags. My husband also travels for work but lately, it’s been 3-4 works trips a month. My husband will go to the customers and once he leaves and gets back to the hotel, he will call and check on the kids and I. Then he will go to dinner with the other guy he is traveling with and after dinner, he goes back to the hotel room and calls us again and tells the kids goodnight. And then he will go and shower and will call me back afterwards. I’m not saying your husband should call you as much as mine does, but it’s very strange he goes mia…

Answer

I would be very concerned, not so much about him going to a bar itself, but more about the way he’s behaving in this situation. Since he already lied about where he was going after work, you can’t trust him to tell you what he’s doing at a bar while ignoring your calls. All of this is a red flag. My husband always calls me when he is working out of town.

Answer

My husband travels for work often now after a recent proposal too. He was just gone for a week. He shares his location with me while he’s gone so I can clearly see he’s at bars near his hotel. The next morning when we talk he tells me about the bar. He’s never given me a reason to doubt what he’s doing. There have been a few times he hasn’t been able to talk to our kids (time zone changes, work meetings, dinners etc) but 9 times out of 10 I know in advance that he’s not going to be available for a bedtime call. him traveling, going to bars, missing a call with the kids doesn’t bother me. But lying and ignoring me absolutely would.

Answer

He is a liar

Answer

I hate to say this but he could be having a full blown affair.

Answer

How did you find out? My biggest red flag would be that he doesnt pick up the phone. Even if hes going to bars with his colleagues, why cant he walk a few steps to the lobby pick up the phone or step outside?  (unless he doesnt want whoever hes with to know about you). Also why doesnt he cant call you when hes back in his room, usually work trip socializing ends by 9/10, 11 at the latest (unless hes out till 2am which isnt him going out for a few drinks with his colleagues, to me thats flat out partying and possibly cheating). I wouldnt like it, and wouldnt be ok with the lying.

Answer

It honestly sounds like he’s using the trips as a taste of freedom. I get being a parent is very consuming, your identity can get a little lost, you feel stuck in routine and lose a sense of impulsivity and freedom you had prior to having children. Point is, he still has responsibility to show up for his kids. He’s an adult, he’s going to do whatever he’s going to do but you could tell him the expectations eg. to FaceTime his kids every night at their bedtime and whatever else would make you feel more at ease about the scenario. It is a sacrifice you are making aswell to go without him during those trips, the parental load falls completely on you while he’s gone and it’s a little bit of a slap in the face to find he’s living it up and enjoying a taste of freedom 1 week out of each month, must be nice. Maybe you could suggest that you get a bit of alone time once a month too or a girls trip every 6 months, something that could create some equality to prevent resentment from building up.

Answer

The lack of contact would bother me. He should be keeping you updated about what he is doing. He should be happy to say good night to you and his kids while he is away.

Would you be concerned with your husband going to bars?

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