Anyone else a ‘responsive’ desire type?

Question

Have you ever been in a relationship where both people are ‘responsive’ desire types? I’d love to know your tips for initiating if you are in this situation or have been before and learned to work with both having this desire type.

Answer

Many couples face this challenge: when both partners are responsive to physical touch, emotional connection, or erotic stimulation, it can feel like you’re both waiting for the other person to make the first move.
This is often confused with low or no desire. Have you figured out each other’s triggers?
Here are some things to try
* Create intimacy opportunities: Instead of waiting for spontaneous desire, schedule intimate time together. This might feel unromantic at first, but it actually gives responsive desire the space it needs to develop. Think of it as creating the conditions where desire can emerge.
* Start with non-sexual touch. Begin with cuddling, massage, or other forms of physical affection without the expectation of sex. This can help both partners ease into arousal gradually, which is how responsive desire typically works.
* Take turns being the initiator. Agree on a system where you alternate who takes responsibility for initiating intimacy. This removes the guesswork and ensures both people step into that role.
* Focus on context and mood (triggers). Since responsive desire relies heavily on the right conditions, put effort into creating that appealing environment. Dim the lights, use music, remove distractions, or whatever helps you both feel relaxed and connected.
* Communicate about what works. Talk openly about what kinds of touch, activities, or emotional connection help spark your individual desire. The more you both understand your own patterns, the better you can help each other.
Remember that showing affection, suggesting a bath together, or simply saying “I’d love to be close with you tonight” are all forms of initiation that can work well for responsive desire types.
The key is recognizing that responsive desire isn’t a problem to solve - it’s just a different pathway that needs intentional nurturing rather than waiting for lightning to strike.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Anyone else a ‘responsive’ desire type?

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