This is going to be such a long post…

I’ve been married for 5 years. We got married when I was 20 and he is 15 years older than me. We quickly got pregnant and for awhile everything was great. I stayed home and he worked as a police officer (🚩) and things were going well for awhile. After our son turned 18 months, I went back to work and made decent money. We sold our house, built a new one, and had our second baby 11 months ago. This is where it started getting bad.

When I was pregnant with my second, he started treating me more like his roommate and intimacy started lacking. I was still working 40+ hours a week and he also worked full time night shift. We rarely got to see each other but when we did he would sit on his phone, go to his friends house, or anything besides spending time with me. He went to one baby appointment the entire pregnancy (which is okay because it worked with our schedule) but he did miss the 20 week ultrasound because he didn’t want to go.

After I had our second, I felt very happy for awhile, but I think it was hormones from having my baby. I quit my job that had retirement and benefits to stay home again. He was happy about this decision because it helps him boost his own career and the kids won’t be put into daycare. I started realizing how fucked I was after my baby turned 6 months old.

To leave the house, I always need to ask his permission. To spend any amount of money, I need to talk to him first. When I am allowed to get something for myself such as a new tattoo, he holds that purchase against me and always make’s himself into a victim by saying he works so hard to provide financially for us. I told him a few months ago that this is not the way I deserve to be treated and I’m falling out of love with him, and how I’m depressed because my entire identity is only being a mom.

The most recent fight was how I wanted to go to a Ghost concert with my friend. He immediately said no because he doesn’t want me away without him. He also said it’s too expensive ($350 for VIP) and he’s never heard of the band. He will spend money without talking to me on tools and projects and tell me he doesn’t need to ask me to spend his own money.

Then he went on about how I should focus on the family more than going to a concert. He said I have no right to go to a concert for a band that worships the devil (he’s never listened to them before and definitely isn’t religious). He then brought up how he was invited to a ski weekend trip but didn’t tell me about it because he didn’t want to go. He knows I would’ve loved him going because I recognize that he isn’t just a dad or a husband but a person who can enjoy their hobbies apart from their family.

I just feel like I’m being controlled too much and I think I should leave. I have no idea how to go about leaving especially since I’m a stay at home mom. I have accepted that no matter what I’ll be the villain in his story, but also could use some advice on how to work through this situation without affecting the kids too much. I know that they will be affected no matter what but I don’t think I should just accept being treated like this.