Tell me it isn't impossible

I'm 37 (38 in may) and have been single for two years.

I have had a string of narcissistic and abusive relationships nearing almost two decades. I have four children, but three live with me full time. As in full-full time. My ex lives 8 hours away in Ohio and I live in Canada. He comes about once a month and is still obsessed with me, but we have a decent relationship.

Anyways, after over a year in therapy and working on myself, my therapist cleared me for dating. That sounds weird, but basically I've done the work and now it's time to try putting myself out there.

I'm terrified. I don't feel like I'll ever attract a decent man, or really any man, considering I have zero free time and children full time. My twins are old enough that they can watch their younger sister for an hour, so I can wing little dates and splurge on a sitter for a real date, so doable if I find the right guy.

It just feels pointless and defeating. I've tried dating sites because apparently that's all that is out there now, and I absolutely can't stomach it longer than a week. Scrolling through the man catalogue and having the same small talk over and over again is my personal hell.

My kids are in sports so I'm always at a rink and doing stuff, but majority of men are married at my age, and deep down I think guys my age who are single are likely trash (that's not good thinking....I know).

Anyways, I guess I'm just looking for a little bit of hope that I may find love one day. That I am good enough. That there are good men out there.

It just feels so hopeless.

P.S. I'm absolutely happy and content being single and I'm in no rush, but I would like to have those butterflies again and all that comes with dating and eventually maybe a real and healthy relationship.