Narcissist husband I can’t escape

I have been with him for 13 yrs and married 8. He has a history of horrible horrible abuse since we have been together. From the fights the abuse the mental draining the scars from stitches not to mention the cheating 😩 I just want a divorce I want to start over I want to be free. We live together and of course there are some good days I guess. We laugh we joke around maybe go run some errands eat out etc ..married life things …but it’s always there. I don’t trust him because he has cheated on me both pregnancies with our boys and last year he kicked me in my stomach during an argument. I tell him to leave and he guilt trips me on taking his boys out of his life and I’m the reason he can’t see them daily . I am just tired and feel like crying every second. He sleeps with his phone in the bed on silent . He always moves around like he’s hiding something but at this point I don’t care if he is cheating again. I just want a divorce and for him to move out. He owns a home his grandfather left him that is livable and he has his music studio there. He refuses to leave knowing how bad things are. I feel so trapped and just depressed daily . I need to make my exit quietly but then I’ll get in trouble for taking the kids without telling him. I want to move and he never knows where I live. He has damaged every home I lived in and stalked me. I would hope the judge let my new residence stay anonymous. 😞