We’ve been together for five years and I truthfully cannot bring myself to leave. On our way to work (we ride together) he told me he wants to go to pride festival this year together so we can try to find another girl to include in our relationship. He told me I don’t do anything for him sexually. I told him that just last night I was trying to give him a blow job and was going to get on top but he told me just to stop and cuddle. He told me it was because it feels terrible. He doesn’t enjoy sex with me and feels like he can only enjoy it if another woman is there. He told me that he doesn’t think of me sexually anymore because I 1) didn’t have sex with him enough a while back (I had issues because he cheated) 2) he got really mad in the past because I’d been with 4 other guys before I met him and he only thought of me as a whore. He told me he suppressed all that now just sees me as a friend and loves me but doesn’t want to have sex with me? He gets really upset I’ve been with 4 people before him (we met at 18 almost 19) and tells me if I’ve been a whore before him why won’t I be a whore with him now.

He’s wanted threesomes or open relationship for a long time and it’s been a big issue for us. We had one threesome, but he doesn’t count it because I ate the girl out while he had sex with me and he didn’t get to have sex with her or get a blowjob. I don’t like girls and I only did this for him, but it makes me physically sick to think about him having sex with someone else. I’ve tried watching porn with him recently, but I’d told him in the past that porn bothered me now he feels uncomfortable watching it with me even though I’m trying. I know my blowjobs are bad. I have TMJ and it causes extremely bad jaw pain. I still do it for him, but I know I’m not doing good and i sometimes accidentally hit it with me back teeth because I’m trying to force my jaw to open wider. I rarely make him finish (really really rarely) from blowjobs and he often finishes himself off and I swallow it. I feel so terrible about it. He does usually cum when we have sex, but he has told me he thinks about other people while we do it. I don’t have much stamina on top but I have been doing to the gym recently to hopefully help with it.

I feel terrible about my body and myself. I don’t know what to do here. I desperately wish I’d never slept with anyone before him, or I liked women and poly relationships, or that I was better at sex. If anyone has any advice about how to get better at sex it blowjobs PLEASE let me know. Any good videos or tutorials?? How to get over it and have a threesome/open the relationship? Please help me I’ve been at work freaking out all day. He won’t respond to my texts and I’m nervous for us to get off tonight because I feel like he’s going to be mad about it still. Please please give me advice on how to get better at sex and how to have more energy for it? And blowjobs? I want to be better. He tries his hardest to provide anything I want and I feel so terrible about this