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Question

What if your mother in law told you, “I know who the problem is. (Talking about in marriage) and I only pray for myself, kids and grandkids” does that come off as harsh? 
She said in the past to my husband, “you better put me first, I suffered for you.”
All of my marriage problems is because of her and of course my husband. I don’t know. He was raised that way but it’s getting worse. 
She gives me the cold shoulder and wants me to leave my kids (youngest 1) at her house all night/day for days. I have no way of calling/texting her. So I can’t check up on my own children. She wants to have her way with them because they are HER grandchildren. YES she is THAT time of mother in law/grandma. 
She talks bad about me to my husband so I don’t know what she’ll say to my kids about me. Ya know? 
I took her man. That’s how she sees it.
Im tired of my husband taxi driving her everywhere, pay her bills, taking her to doctor appointments and paying, buying her house, and furniture, on the phone with her, it doesn’t matter what time it is…. She gets mad if he doesn’t answer… 
She used to beat her kids!!!! And they have ‘meetings’ to discuss stuff… it’s disgusting. She hit my son with a belt and I found out through my sis in law. I got LIVID! And she was playing the victim… “I can’t even hit my own grandkids… I don’t even want to see them if I can’t discipline them” disgusting…

Accepted Answer

She hit your child and you still allow her access to them? Girl. What. Absolutely cut off access to her immediately. That is disgusting.

Answer

Why on earth would you still have anything to do with this woman after she hit your child?? Put in boundaries ASAP and get your husband to respect that or leave the pair of them. This is not ok!!

Answer

She wouldnt be in mine or my kids' lives anymore after that. My husband can be her puppy if he wants to, but leave me and my kids out of it.

Answer

I would NEVER and I mean NEVER allow her near my children again. I would have probably choked her with the belt and then called the police and pressed charges. Emotional incest is a thing, especially with moms and their sons. She sees your husband as her partner and in her eyes, you destroyed that for her. 
I would cut contact with her. If she only wants to see them if she can discipline them, that is a big red flag 🚩🚩🚩 . She is a big red flag and a danger to your children. Don’t let her around them again. Ever. You don’t have to allow her in your life either. 
Your husband needs therapy.

Answer

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... Grandparents should just let parents be parents...
They had their chance, so she should not even have a say in your marriage issues and your children.
Now, the one to set this boundary should be your husband. ie, her son.
If this does not happen, you need to sit down and CONNECT with your husband, then communicate this issue, as it would be a long term problem not just for your marriage. But your children who are absorbing and learning from their environment.
Give the marriage a chance, because I feel it is not thriving due to this third party noise and disturbance (the mother in law). 
Its so easy to say, but hard to do. But the best solution is to move hours away from this toxicity. Relocate to another state.
Start planning the steps you need to take. Involve your husband once he is convinced abt the misbehaviour of his mum. 
It will be a process and will take time. I wish you all the patience and the mental strength to go through with sorting this out with your husband / take the courage to move the whole family away (husband, you and kids).
You can do this! You can overcome this issue.

Answer

My mil in some ways is like your mil but more subtle and definitely would never hit my child. I suggest therapy for your husband. He’s in a unhealthy enmeshed relationship with his mom.

Answer

My MIL would act like this on occasion onthe way of expecting her kids to do what she and her hubs wanted when they asked. She also thought that i was too harsh with her two grandkids when i first married my hubs, all because they had issues from his divorce that needed addressing, which she certainly didn't help with. She was a third the reason their divorce was so traumatizing. She even expected to talk to me before he proposed, like i was going to be just like the ex already and she needed to put her foot down about expected behaviors. It took a minute, but eventually my hubs realized he needed to seperate from being so close to them all the time and not talk to her about stuff with our family. The other kids started having the same response, and she backed off way more. She still expects their kids to help when they feel they need it, but they don't try to push their way into my family's stuff. Took a lot of prayer and setting up boundaries, first by me and then my hubs. But if we hadnt been Christians and hadnt let God lead out of that situation idk if it would've gotten better.

Answer

Hit my kids then we got a BIG problem.

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There has to be clear boundaries set. Those boundaries have to be enforced by your husband. He has to be firm with her. There’s no way I could allow my children to be alone with this woman and you shouldn’t either.

Answer

I agree with everyone on this page. YOU are the mother of your children. You have every right to deny any contact with anyone for any reason, including the MIL. If she wants to see her grandchildren, then she can contact her son and set up something via YOU and ONLY at your discretion and ONLY where you feel safest. If it’s only at your home, then so be it. If she doesn’t like it, then she kick rocks. YOUR CHILDREN !!! YOUR RULES !!!

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