For some back story, my partner (if I can even call him that) and I have been together for 2 years and are expecting our first child together. We both have 1 daughter each from prior to meeting so in total, our 3rd child. Our relationship started out great as most do but has since been filled with ups and downs …

I expressed not feeling we were very compatible about 9 months in & he was adamant that it was only because we were doing long distance at the time and he thought things would be back to normal once he got back home; I wasn't so sure but I gave his perspective the benefit of the doubt but let him know we would have to see how things went once we were face to face again.

Fast forward to his return home and he's a completely different man to the one I fell in love with. We tried living together but it all went to 💩 really quickly. I was on the contraceptive pill but got pregnant in the same week he arrived home & chose to continue my pregnancy against his 'advice'. I gave him the option to leave because I'd never force a baby onto someone who doesn’t want one but he asked for time to process and came around after a few weeks. While he was living here, he didn’t do much aside from eat, watch TV and play video games and was overall more like a part of the furniture & I signed up for a partner so I ended up kicking him out after 2 months.

He moved in with his mum, lost his job and hasn’t made any real attempt to find work since, seems to spend most of his time sitting inside smoking weed and playing video games and due to being unemployed, has left me to continue paying for our joint phone bill (I can't cancel his contract without paying a massive fee). He’s now really closed-minded and always has a reason to oppose this things I say. He is ridiculously unreliable - even with tiny things like randomly saying he will take the bin out every time he visits and never once actually doing it - barely anything he says will happen, happens & I no longer trust anything he says he will do because 99% of the time, he flops. When we built our relationship, everything about him lead me to believe he was a loving partner and father, romantic, ambitious and hardworking but it's clear as day that these attributes aren't natural to him and his true colours have finally come out and they all SCREAM misogynistic narcissist 🚩🚩🚩🚩

All of this is a HUGE contrast to the man who won me over and I’m really disappointed. He's not only a disappointment to me but to my 6 year old - he’s the only person I’ve ever introduced to her and they built a great relationship, leading to her choosing him to be her dad (no contact with bio) but even she has been thrown off and expressed it since he’s been back & he even gaslit her saying she just copies what mummy says, she doesn’t play with him when he asks and she could come and ask for hugs and affection from him etc. I've never shied away from expressing how I feel so I’ve been very open with everything I’ve mentioned and more & he (not surprisingly) always takes offence and basically makes out that I'm creating issues and he's done nothing wrong blah blah blah. A part of me thinks maybe he was able to drop his act once I got pregnant because he felt I would never leave?

Either way I had enough, broke up with him and didn't speak to him for about 3 weeks & ignored his attempts to contact me. I haven’t even mentioned half of the nonsense I put up with from this guy but the relationship brings more negatives than positives so I’m over it. He popped up asking if we could give family and couple’s therapy a try because he didn't want our family to fall apart, especially with a baby on the way (even though he was opposed to it for the entire time I asked him to go). After some time, I agreed to go but made it clear that my feelings were still the same, there was a lot of damage already done and I was leaving it up to him to make it happen because I'm checked out and past putting in effort to make things work. It's been a month since this conversation and he planned a few family outings (only 1 of which actually took place because of how unreliable he is) and surprise surprise therapy is STILL yet to be booked. 

We spoke today and I reminded him of where I stand but with every conversation, I find myself feeling more and more disgusted by him. I’m angry at myself & can’t believe this is where I’m at in my life. I’ve been so careful with the people I’ve dated and somehow THIS is the man I thought I would marry 🤦🏾‍♀️

I don’t want him not to have contact with his child(ren) - although he barely makes any effort with my daughter - but I honestly can’t see him adding anything of value to their lives. I feel guilty for bringing him into my daughter’s life and for now having another baby a few months from being born with HIM as a father. I’ve thought about so many different ways to get away from it all. I even contemplated moving as far as possible and cutting contact but I feel guilty for that too - not just for him but his mum and sister as I love them and would hate to stop them having a relationship with the kids and me. His daughter’s mum ran off with her boyfriend and cut contact (in hindsight probably with good reason) so I promised them I wouldn’t do the same but that was all before knowing what their son/brother was really like!

I feel trapped and though I know what I WANT to do, I have no idea what action to actually take 😭

If you’ve read all of this, thank you. I just needed to get it off of my chest. Any advice, whether tough or helpful, would be a bonus ❤️