I don’t know if I need advice or just vent but I’m struggling. I’m 4mo pp and the depression has hit hard. I’ve also had extreme anxiety since he was born. He had a rough start and some hospital admissions for breathing problems and had to get a surgery for it so I feel traumatized from it and just constantly have this horrible feeling that he’s going to die. I’ll be holding him and all of a sudden have this intense panicking feeling like I’m going to look down and he’s going to be dead.

This constant anxiety has really made my depression bad too. On top of this I never have any time to myself. My son screams with my husband and my husband does not know how to calm him down. He’ll just say “baby you need to stop” or will even tell him to shut up. It bothers me deeply. Whenever I bring this up to him he just says it doesn’t matter that he says that because he’s a baby. I have no friends or family where I live because my husband is in the military and we’re stationed in Hawaii. I have no support and I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. I also am always then one to wake up for every night feed. The two times my husband has woken up he’s like asking for my help with holding the bottle and doing different things the whole time so I don’t get to sleep anyways.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I’m just at a loss of how to make it through these days honestly.