It's National Infertility awareness week and im feeling sad. I'm 44 divorced with no kids. I have been trying to conceive for over 20 years and have been unsuccessful. I made the decision in 2019 to do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a>. I found a fertility clinic hours away from my home & started the process. I worked 2 jobs to save the money. I never been so excited in my life, but then "The Pandemic", so all scheduled treatments & procedures were cancelled with the clinic. It wasn't as organized as things are today with COVID. I fell in a deep depression & all the money I saved for my procedure started making it's way to delinquent bills, student loans, etc. Today due to being single with rent increase and everything thing else going up I'm unable to afford <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> treatment or adoption. I changed my diet. I'm vegan and I have a job a social worker which is fulfilling but not enough to fill the void of not having a baby. I don't have a boyfriend but I date & between us have slept with guys unprotected in hopes of getting pregnant. I feel like a failure when it comes to giving my parents a grandchild before they pass. 4 siblings & I'm the only without children. Some of my family & friends envy me ,call me lucky for being childless.It hurts so bad, I cry myself to sleep. How can any woman be ok with not ever having children? I feel just like the definition of barren- unproductive, unfruitful, sterile, and impoverished. I'm not okay...but it feels so good to just write this although I stopped several times due to crying but I needed to vent- Barren in Florida