I have PTSD really bad from previous life experiences but I had it pretty well managed and recently I thought I had a miscarriage which actually turned out to be an ectopic. November 2nd I thought I miscarried. November 12th I went to the Midwife because I took a pregnancy test and the line was darker when 2 days before I miscarried the line was barely there. She basically thought I was crazy, I had both ultrasounds (done by an intern still in school) and they saw nothing. She did not test my HCG levels and she DID not educate me about ectopic pregnancy. I started spotting that day as well. I spotted till Nov18th. Nov 18th I was at work and got a very sharp pain on the right side of my lower abdomen where my ovary is. It doubled me over, I felt like I had to poop(but I didn't). I tried to push and it hurt soooo bad. There was bright red blood for 20 mins and it stopped. 4am Nov 19th I wake up in some pretty bad pain and there is a lot of blood. Again I felt like I had to poop, I push and I got the worst shooting pain up my rectum, vagina and abdomen. My pain tolerance is out of this world but that hurt so bad I couldn't form sentences. My husband drove me to the hospital and we got in immediately. They found a mass near my right ovary. I was hoping it was a cyst as I thought I had a miscarriage. The OB came in and told me I had an ectopic and my HCG levels were 11,000+ and that my tube most likely ruptured and I need emergency surgery or I'm going to die. Went in to surgery, my tube did rupture and I was bleeding internally. They removed the tube as well as the pregnancy, but I still have my ovary.

That was traumatic as F*CK. The only thing I have ever wanted in my entire life is my own FAMILY. Why such a f*cked up situation? Why me? This has made my PTSD somewhat difficult to manage and though I have great tools to deal with it, I am struggling. Not sure if I am going to have money to see my usual therapist because I don't work for that company anymore.

I just needed to vent. Thanks to whoever listens.