I honestly dont know where to begin,

Me and my partner have been together for years, we have two children one whos 9 years and a 9 month old. We have a 3 bedroom house and a car.

Our eldest daughter her behaviour was brilliant recently and this last two weeks shes been rude,misbehaving etc. So shes loat her privelages, gone bed early and loat out on activites. I hokd my habds up that at times its got so overwhelming i have blocked it out because im exhausted and im doing everything for the kids.

This week has been worse then hell. Me and my partner have literally been clashing its unreal. Because of her behaviour, because i havent paid attention to his mental health and the fact he is feeling suicidal (this isnt the first time he has used this) i have tried talking to him about getting help and he refuses. About the fact he works 5 days a week doing his boss houses and his done his shoulders etc and i havent looked after him, hes doing the bathroom to benefit and better it for us. Yet i dont do anything for him. I dont care for him, unless he asked, dont care about his mental health or the fact hes in a bad place. When we have a conversation and feelings are brought up i liaten to hia feelings and take it in and tey to find ways to help i.e what o can do, profesional help. Then i say about how i feel and i get its not about how you feel weve had enough of you and your feelings for 10 years. He goes to his mum every time it kicks off. I feel like i have to bottle it up and not say a word when im struggling or have a bad day.

I used to look after him so much, run baths, massages etc, then it became less, bare in mind i dont get anything, no break or breather, ( i cant count on my hand the qmount of me time ive had) in years. I cook,clean, do the school runs, not at work atm because they are causing me problems. Pay all the bills and his car and insueance bare the phones and gas and electric. Up with the kids, get the kids to bed.

I have physical disabilities. I have hemiplegic migraines that i have to take epileptic meds for ans have rescue medication, i have DGD which is from q crash 6 years ago and four of my vetbraes are crumbling and im in pain every day. I am now awaiting a scan as im loaing sensation in my hands and right leg, aswell as my stomach and have weakness in my right side, i have depression and aniexty. As well as SVT which is a heart condition.

I wanted to break yesterday. He has done nothing but go on about i dont find resolution, im selfish and i dont even consider how he feels. Yet saturday i jad been up from 6:30am , i went about grtting kids sorted, eldest had a party, then our friends coming over later. I got the kids sorted and then i started getting cleaned up and was nearly done. He said to leave it and i said no its fine. Then he eaid come and aort to little one shea tored and i said calmly can you not see to her whilst i sort her bottles. He got angry, said he has a headache and doesnt feel good, i said your not going to be ok to do cleaning ill do it..then he kicked off. Once i had a conversation well tried..i said youve been at work all week. I was trying to give you time with the kids and chill time, not clean up. I got called controlling etc. Then got our eldest settle into bed as she was naughty, our baby didnt settle and was awake all night.he had gone to the pib with his friend to sort hia stuff for his football, landlady wasnt there, stayed there drinking and played pool, came home said hi, he got back at half 12 didnt raise anything nor got funny, he came upstairs later on at this point little one woke at 25 to 1 and wouldnt go back to sleep, he came up at 2:30 rather then offer help because of how long i had been up already, he decided to say i was bullshitting about the time she woke, so i wqs up all night. I was in our room playing,reading, singing, watching cartoons, whilst he slept on the sofa peacefully to go football in the morning. He goes football, comes home with a friend and sits and watches football no offer of taking lil one so i can get my head down, he then said about going taking her for walk to see if she will go sleep whilst he sat watching football and drinking with his friend.. her godmum came up and we went for a walk and she even noticed he offered no help and i was doing it all. Yet she helped me do bits. Went to the ahop and took the kids to get butter for him to toast..

In the evening he started the conversation this is at 5 pm little one having a nap on me, im sat there like our eldest has just pushed it and was sent to bed. He came out with all the above how i dont care. Me and our daughter has come from a different cloth. We dont act or do things normally. I said i want to sort this out and it be done with it. I am exhausted and irritable as i have been awale aince 6;30am yesterday and his response was why dont arent you taking the oppurnity now. I sat and said i have just tried putting her down she woke up and cried. It happened the whole night untill midnight..he came upstairs arpumd 10 pm and said you need to put her down i jad tried 50 mins before she woke up and just cried and then i said i said she just keeps fosheting and iant settled. So im going to leave her a while. So i have her a bit longer. She woke and i have her a bottle and at midnight she went sleep.

Am i in the wrong, do i need to change and do i need to find a resolution do i need to concerntrate on caring on him when the kids are in bed and making sure his mental health needs are looked after. I am so tired and ao worn out. Im lost