Hi, so I'm new so if this isn't allowed please remove. Sorry for the long post. My mother has had some trauma in her life from her parents and always says she would never pass it along. For a few years now she has been telling me to not have children in the day, age and country. When I announced I was pregnant last year, I gave a bottle of baileys with the sonar gram on in to my parents (specifically handing it to my dad) since then she says I only told dad and not her. I didn't hear from my mother at all about my pregnancy and got to admit I didn't know what to ask or tell her as this was my first, I did ask things and when my dad would ask how I was I would send her the same message. Not one single message on how I was (even though I got covid and swine flu in the last month's of pregnancy). My husband, friends and mom planned the baby shower and my mother had this idea in her head that everyone was excluding her. On the planning group she and my mother in law were spoken to by name and she found that extremely offensive, she also got upset with my husband for assuming and including her in the baby shower planning and not actually asking if she wanted to be. (What mother of an only daughter doesn't want to be a part of her only daughters first ever baby shower????) On the planning group there was lots of issues of things being "planned without her" when it was the other way round, she organised many things and not mention it on the group. All in all my baby shower left me in horrid tears as we did one activity, ate and people left as my mom kept going off at my friend's when trying to include her that they must just do it as they know better and when friends were trying to guess the gender (I kept it a secret) I got attacked about telling everyone the gender, except her. Since then it's been up and down and I would get horrible messages where she would delete (meant for someone else) and yesterday was my parents first visit since my daughter was born. My dad was amazing and couldn't stop looking at her and talking to us, my mom had one word answers and didn't even touch my daughter. When left I got a message (which I copied before she deleted it again). It technically says I have to reconcile the relationship with her and when I'm done let her know she is still a mother, coz now I have made it clear I don't want her as a mother. I don't know what to do. I have been crying since then and my husband has been handling our daughter since as I have completely reverted into a cacoon on the bed. Please help.