Why am I even considering this

Let me preface this by saying I have already thought of the decisions I have made and know now that I am broken but healing. Just over a month ago my husband and I decided to try adding a third, it was mutual. Until it wasn’t, they connected on a deeper level with each other and neither showed an interest in connecting with me deeper than a best friend until I told him I wanted a divorce. For years I begged him to date me, show me non sexual affection anything that would indicate that he wanted more than sex from me. But it took me leaving for him to show any of that, now he is breaking things off with her even though a week ago he was ready to move in with her. I stupidly told him that we could try, even though I did say I didn’t know if this would work he seems to think I’m just letting him back in. I feel so manipulated into this choice, I am highly empathetic and hate seeing people cry. He said he is worried my bar will be set too high, but then also told me that he wanted me to find someone better than him. I am heartbroken and so angry at the same time. Please know that no matter what I love this man so please don’t bash on him, we have 4 kids together I just don’t know how to stay strong and demand the respect I deserve.